On Father's Day

My rationale for being a tomboy as a child was quite simple: 1) Catching catepillars, rolling in the grass, and playing with legos and toy cars was much more appealing than barbies, frilly dresses, and easy bake ovens, and 2) things like basketball and baseball is what what men seem to like, so liking these things make me feel closer to having a dad one day.

It was in the fourth grade that I realized that I didn't have a father. My mother and grandmother respectively took turns in raising me, and had done the best in their ability. However, that year, my teacher decided to make a big deal of Father's Day- we made cards, and gifts, and wrote poems. Somewhere tucked away I still have my poem. In it, I introduced myself to my dad, told him my interests, my favorite things, and what I wanted to be when I grew up. From that point forward, I recognized that there was someone missing in my life, and I wanted to know him. Did my eyes come from him? What about parts of my personality? Did we like the same things? What was his family like? If I passed him on the street, would I instantly know it was him?

Childhood excitement and wonder turned into teenage bitterness, turned into adult indifference. I effectively told myself that I made it thus far without one, so I don't need one. Father's Day became just another day on the calendar. If I just ignored it, my feelings surrounding fatherhood and him would go away too. Win win situation. If only life were so simple...

Our world needs fathers. Little girls need to be daddy's princess, and little boys need him to be their role model on what it means to be a man. Despite what today's society says, we need father's who will teach, mold, support and nurture their children throughout adulthood. The role of a father affects how we view ourselves, our relationships, our children, and even our relationship with Christ.

What does God the Father mean if we don't know the meaning of father and fatherhood...?

It has been 8 years since I found my father, and it has been a difficult journey. My prayer is that one day, my future children won't have to share my experience. And I believe that God will honor that prayer.

To all of the fathers, grandfathers, step-fathers, uncles, cousins, teachers, pastors, coaches, big brothers- to the men who have risen to the occasion of fatherhood, thank you. :)

The Lion and the Lamb

Last Saturday, I woke up, turned on the tv, and had the chance to watch one of my secretly favorite movies- Mr. Holland's Opus. On a basic level, it combines three of my loves, history, teaching and music. On a deeper level, it gives an interesting commentary on societal change, love, family, friendship, dedication and self-sacrifice. As an educator, its inspiring in the sense that one man could have such an impact on so many lives just through teaching. On the other hand, its sad to see that he did not have that same impact for many years in his own personal life. In many respects, it reminds me of the verse:
 "For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?" (Mark 8:36)
What good is it to be loved my many just to lose the essence of who you are in the process?

The start of the Lenten season put me in the crossroads of this question. What good is it for me to continue to work and dedicate myself to so many areas and not do the same for self? I have recognized for a while now that in the pursuit of career and adult responsibilities, I have let personal desires fade into the background. The easy fix to that has been to find instant gratification in things like food or tv, or just being plain apathetic because its easier to do nothing than to take on something else responsibility based, even if it is for self. My many attempts at instant gratification have only led to more problems and more frustration on the larger scale. 

March in many respects has come in like a lion: its been emotional. Its been a fight against self. There have been many difficult days.
But, March in many respects has gone out like a lamb: there has been laughter, and peaceful moments, and prayerful moments, and times of inspiration.
Starting tomorrow, I will be renewing my Daniel Fast. I did 8 of the initial 21 and now I'm going to start at least another 13 to complete the 21. I just have to keep pressing on no matter how difficult, because I know that if I don't, I won't be living a life true to what God desires for me.

So, time to do some more soul searching...

Day 6

Today is day 6 of my Daniel Fast and in all honesty, it hasn't been too bad. I haven't really missed food stuffs like cupcakes and ice cream, and burgers... so far so good. It only bothers me when I'm leaving work and find myself starving and looking for food. My day usually consists of leaving my house by 7am and not leaving work until sometimes 5pm or later, which leaves me very hungry at that time. Its those moments that I want nothing more than to go to my bodega spot and get my pastrami and provolone on a roll with lettuce, tomato, a little mayo and salt and pepper lol! So far, I've been out to eat twice with friends and have been able to order salads that were pretty good so I didn't feel like I was missing out on too much.

So far, I'm reminded of the fact that I have the ability and will power to do what I'd have to do to make changes in my life. What I now have to get down to is the heart of the matter which is discipline. What is it going to take to ignite that fire in me to make my desires of change a reality?

Lent 2011

Let began this Wednesday. Admittedly, I've been both looking forward and dreading this time. I look forward to Lent because I consider it my spiritual new year. The daily grind of life always has a way of pulling me away from that Christ-centered life that I desire. This year, I'm starting with a Daniel Fast and giving up facebook for several reasons- mainly because I'm seeking God's direction and His healing of the broken places in my life. After that, for the remainder of Lent I will be giving up meat, except for fish. Man, a piece of baked salmon sure does look good right about now... lol! I don't look forward to this journey because I know that its going to ask of me the things I don't desire to do and the things I don't want to deal with. But this is part of the Christ-centered life- cutting away those things that are not like Him in my life so that I can be more like Him.

Today is day 3 and I have been going strong. I even did a 20 minute workout. And I haven't even thought about facebook once. I've already had a bit more energy and I also started reading the book of Daniel. I know that this process will have its difficulties, but I also know that its what's necessary to live more in the fullness of what God purposed my life to be.

Welcome Back!

Wow! It has been over 2 years since I've touched this blog. Looking back on the posts that I've made in the past, I am reminded of how much has happened over the course of these past 2 years. I also realize how much I've changed as an individual during this time, hopefully for the better :)

To Teach the Future

As an educator, it is your goal to impart a level of knowledge and understanding which has in most cases been previously undiscovered or unattained by your pupils. It is also your goal (hopefully) to inspire your students no matter what age to aspire for both educational and personal growth- to open their eyes to the possibilities that may be before them. However, it is this goal to see growth in your students that can become your deepest frustration and disappointment. How do you encourage those who seem to be so far off of the right path?

I find that to be my biggest obstacle- to care so much to want to see you do well that when you do everything but, it envokes anger and frustration. I know that you can't save everyone. But at times, in not knowing what to do, I want to throw my hands up and say why bother. I wish there was a magical formula to take those who are going astray and lead them to a better path. But I guess all I can do in the meantime is pray for them and continue to show them love, not matter how badly I want to shake them up lol!

-Joy

Missions Is Not An Option...

The Backstory

There I was, 4:30am on Tues., Dec. 30th, driving on through the desolate streets of Brooklyn (Eastern Pkwy to be exact), on my to The World Missions Summit (TWMS) in Cincinnati, OH. This was the beginning of my 13 hour journey. It obviously was divinely meant for me to go because 1) I didn't know about this until maybe 2 weeks prior (if that), 2) my registration was paid for, and 3) after I agreed to drive my friend there, she was able to get in touch with a church group that was going, thus only leaving me to drive the hour to Jersey instead of the 12 hours to Cincinnati as the only driver. God is good!

The Shift

Prior to TWMS, missions in my mind was those select people of God, ordained to travel to the remote and dangerous areas of the world (ie- the nether-regions, or the underbellies of the Earth as I like to call it) to live a life of service to the kingdom through spreading the Word to those who have never heard the power of the gospel proclaimed. ...kind of a high and holy vision huh? It was like, God bless those who are called for such service, but I'm going to stay right here in my malaria free, toilet flushing, indoor plumbing, electricity and supermarket filled area of the world.... thanks! lol. However, over the course of the past week, I've had a complete paradigm shift- Missions Is Not An Option, Its A Mandate!

What does that mean...?

First of all, it ties back to the fact that as believers, it is our job, our duty, or Mandate, to spread the good news to the world. Many people, including myself, have been hoarders of the good news because of fear- of rejection, losing friendships, being branded the crazy Christian girl/guy, argument, controversy... you name it, there's a reason. Yet, as good as God has been to me, how dare I keep it to myself, or only share with other Christians.

In addition....

Missions is not just in some remote area of the world. The missions field is all around us. It is in our homes, our jobs, schools, the marketplace... its everywhere. And for some, it will involve travelling 35 hours by plane to live in the far areas of the world. Maybe for someone else, its another city or the countryside in the US, or London, Paris, Berlin. Every person has a different calling. (although if it is my calling to be out there in the bush, God's going to have to come down himself with the baby angels and some scrolls telling me that this is indeed where I'm supposed to go lol)

The Question

So how do I adopt a spirit of boldness? How do it stomp out all of these fears and insecurities that always hold me back? How do I become more missions minded? I know that God has a plan for everyone. And as I seek Him regarding this (and other things), He will give me everything I need to make my life a missions field. Hmm... I think God has some interesting things up His sleeve for 2009....