Time For Big Girl Pants

pro·cras·ti·nate

[proh-kras-tuh-neyt, pruh-]  verb, -nat·ed, -nat·ing.

1. to defer action; delay:

re·spon·si·ble

[ri-spon-suh-buhl]

1. answerable or accountable, as for something within one's power, control, or management

I'm very good at procrastinating. It has become second nature to put off things until the very last possible minute, many times for no good reason other than a general "I just don't feel like it" attitude. I do all of that just to realize every time that it would've been easier and less stressful in the end if I would've taken care of things the way I was supposed to in the timing I was supposed to in the first place. But, I don't.

Why...?

Simply put, I don't want to deal with the implications of responsibility. I think its only a natural feeling when you've been positioned as "the responsible one" from an early age. As I venture further into adulthood, I find myself increasingly choosing the easier way out, or choosing not to deal with things until absolutely necessary. I'll make excuses to rationalize why I should avoid doing various things, why such things would be pointless, knowing deep down that it isn't the right thing to do. Such things allow me to avoid levels of confrontation, unpleasant feelings/emotions, vulnerability, accountability, and other things of the like. But the fact is, such a lifestyle in the end is much more harmful than good. 

I got up this morning to quickly face this reality- the reality that its time to put on my big girl pants and do what I have to do, not because its easy, or that I even desire to do it, but rather because it's the right thing to do. God's grace has been sufficient during this time, but I also know that I am being pushed out of my comfort zone to move more into the things that I'm being called to do at this point in my life.

What does this mean for me?

Lots of bad habit breaking. Much more prayer and reflection. Having those tough conversations that I've been avoiding. Learning to say no. Making sacrifices that will make me less comfortable. Making tough choices. Venturing into unknown territory. Pushing through fear. Exercising FAITH!

With God's help, its time to cast aside old habits and bad ways so that I may do the right thing.

Day 4: Bullet Your Day

Let's see what happened today:

• Woke up ::lol::
• Bathroom stuffs
• Watched hair care videos on Youtube
• Talked to roommate... for a while
• Googled random stuffs related to convo
• Started cleaning living room
• Made breakfast (bacon and a mushroom and spinach omelette)
• Continued cleaning living room while listening to worship songs
• Random acts of foolery on facebook
• Roommate returns, chat some more
• Trip to Bed Bath and Beyond and Target with roomie
• Talked to Alicia
• Picked up stewed beef roti & curry chicken dinner at restaurant
• Ate dinner while watching South Park and then I Love Lucy on laptop
• Took roomie to laundry mat
• Typing this watching the Simpsons
• Ate ice cream

What a day, what a day.

Day 3: A Book I Love

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn: Betty Smith

I want to say it was my freshman year of high school when I was introduced to this book. Oh the mandatory summer reading list... A list of umteen books that we had to choose from to read, and then be tested on in the fall. So when looking at the list, this title immediately caught my attention. What can I say, I'm a Brooklyn girl and a  history lover. This coming of age turn of the century immigrant experience story in Williamsburg quickly became one of my favorite books. Its the only book I've ever read twice. (Shoot, I may just read it again lol).

I fell in love with this book 1) because of the historical nature of it. To get a glimpse of streets and neighborhoods that I am familiar with today at the turn of the century excited my inner history dork lol. But more importantly, as a someone coming of age at the time, I fould myself able to relate to many aspects of the lead character Francie. What can I say, it was an overall great book for me.

Now that I'm older, one of my many running jokes is that I say that I believe in reading. Its become a sad reality of grad school burnout and constantly reading papers, textbooks, and documents for work. But once I walk into a bookstore, I remember my love of reading and remind myself of how I need to bring back that side of me. I love the ability to escape into a new reality through books, or that moment you read something that completely changes your reality, your worldview. One of my goals this summer is to at least read one book in the hopes that it will rekindle my love of reading. Just like I hope that these writing exercises will rekindle my love of writing. Seems like I'll be making another Barnes and Noble trip very soon. :)

Day 2: What I Feel Strongly About...

I was in the 2nd grade when I realized that the quality education that one receives changes based on where you live. It also didn't help that the school and community I lived in was predominantly white, whereas the school and community I moved back to was black and Hispanic. The comparisons were almost immediate. The computer and Spanish classes I once had were no more. No more sprawling fields and sports teams. No special school trips and events. No more edible school lunch.
However, the quality of education wasn't the only thing different about my move back to East NY Brooklyn. There was a whole shift in the quality of life and the resources of and available to the community. I quickly began to realize that there were many differences between the haves and the have nots. And sadly, I soon realized that these differences many times ran along racial lines. I believe this is what sparked my passion for socio-economic disparities, particularly in black and hispanic communities.

This is what helped to shapme my desire to become a teacher. I may not be able to overturn and fix an entire educational system, but I can effect change in my classroom and my community. The students who walk though the doors of my classroom have every right to receive a quality education, as well as the life lessons and skills needed to be successful in society. They deserve teachers who will believe in them, and push them to heights that they may not have deemed possible. They deserve educators who will introduce them to a world that is beyond the boundaries of their block, neighborhood, and even city. They need adults and mentors that can help create in them a future that encompasses and surpasses college and career. This is what I feel strongly about. This is my passion.

Day 1: 5 Ways to Win My Heart

How to win my heart in no specific order:

Sense of Humor/Fun
Anyone who knows me knows my love of laughter and foolery. A big plus is the someone who can laugh, make me laugh, and have the ability to laugh at themselves. Life is to short to be serious all of the time. This should also mean that you know how to.like to have fun, that you're not very uptight, and like to try new things.

Relationship with Christ
There is nothing more sexy appealing than a man who is in relationship with Christ- who can praise, worship, pray, study God's word, and just overall live a Christ-centered life. Its beyond just being a Christian. Many people claim to be Christians but don't actually follow/live a life that reflects a surrendered life to Christ. This doesn't mean that you're perfect because there is no such thing. However, it shows that you live a life that reflects love, servanthood, discernment, faith, honesty, integry,,, the list keeps going.

Pursue Me
Let me preface this by saying that I don't believe in cat and mouse games. Rather, what I mean by this is that you do those things that make me feel and know that I am what you want. So whether its phone calls, texts, a spontanous activity- whatever those little things are that show that you really care. And these things shouldn't stop after the guy gets the girl. Its always good to have that reminder whether its 2 months, 2 years, or 20 years that yup, you're the girl I want. And trust me, I'll always reciprocate the effort.

Be Confident. Be a Leader.
Know who you are and what you want from this life of yours without being arrogant. Then, be about it, especially when its regarding me lol.

Quality Time
A few years ago, I read the Five Love Languages book and I realized that I'm totally a QT person. So, take the extra time out for me, listen to me, be supportive of me. Time is so precious so I really value it when someone its taken out for me.

I don't think the criteria for winning my heart are too complicated. :)

Writers Block: 30 Day Challenge

In a past life, I used to love writing- stories, poems, journals... It was the safe haven for thoughts that couldn't make it to verbal reality. Over time for a myriad of reasons, my writings ceased. So under the inspiration of my partner in crime Alicia, I'm making an attempt to awaken my inner writer. Hopefully after these 30 days, writing will once again become part of who I am.

Happy writings. :)