The Lion and the Lamb

Last Saturday, I woke up, turned on the tv, and had the chance to watch one of my secretly favorite movies- Mr. Holland's Opus. On a basic level, it combines three of my loves, history, teaching and music. On a deeper level, it gives an interesting commentary on societal change, love, family, friendship, dedication and self-sacrifice. As an educator, its inspiring in the sense that one man could have such an impact on so many lives just through teaching. On the other hand, its sad to see that he did not have that same impact for many years in his own personal life. In many respects, it reminds me of the verse:
 "For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?" (Mark 8:36)
What good is it to be loved my many just to lose the essence of who you are in the process?

The start of the Lenten season put me in the crossroads of this question. What good is it for me to continue to work and dedicate myself to so many areas and not do the same for self? I have recognized for a while now that in the pursuit of career and adult responsibilities, I have let personal desires fade into the background. The easy fix to that has been to find instant gratification in things like food or tv, or just being plain apathetic because its easier to do nothing than to take on something else responsibility based, even if it is for self. My many attempts at instant gratification have only led to more problems and more frustration on the larger scale. 

March in many respects has come in like a lion: its been emotional. Its been a fight against self. There have been many difficult days.
But, March in many respects has gone out like a lamb: there has been laughter, and peaceful moments, and prayerful moments, and times of inspiration.
Starting tomorrow, I will be renewing my Daniel Fast. I did 8 of the initial 21 and now I'm going to start at least another 13 to complete the 21. I just have to keep pressing on no matter how difficult, because I know that if I don't, I won't be living a life true to what God desires for me.

So, time to do some more soul searching...