Love God, Love Others

Have you ever had friends who were in a relationship, who just oozed all of the warm and fuzzies of coupledom.You know- super affectionate, cutsie pet names, inside jokes, and silly stories... And as much as you love them, you kind of want to hit them. Okay, maybe that's just me. Anyways, generally when they're in this intoxicated by the joys of love, they want everyone else around them to feel the same. They want the abundance, the overflow of love that they're experiencing to be shared by everyone else around them.

Loving God is the same way. It's a relationship. And when you're in love, you just bubble over with all of the joy that is love. You can't but help to want to share the love you're experiencing with others.

Love God, love others.



For a few months, this was screen shot on my phone as a reminder of sorts that in this life, its not about me. I was created not to seek self-gratification, but rather to well, love God, and love others. To love God means that I need to be constantly stoking the fire of that relationship. Because like any relationship, the honeymoon phase is only temporary. Love is a daily choice, that needs daily work. The fruit of that labor becomes the overflow of love that we possess for Christ. But what happens next?

From my perspective, two things happen. 1) Being afraid of losing that feeling, people begin to horde it, and keep it away from others. They cocoon themselves with only other like-minded believers behind church walls to protect this precious gift that they have. Or 2) go out and spread the good news of the gospel to the masses so that they too can share in the great sacred romance.

Now if I were to poll people on which option should be the action of Christians, overwhelmingly people would choose choice 2. Yet, is that truly loving others?

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Wednesday morning, I woke up at 3:30am after only getting about 4 hours of sleep, to drive down to DC to join hundreds of others at the Capitol to advocate for immigration reform. Shirts and passengers in tow, I watched the sunrise from I-95. After meeting at the Lutheran Church of the Reformation of D.C., we prayed at the Capitol and went to the offices of our respective congressional representatives to tell the stories of the shadows of immigration in this nation- the broken families, the individuals who have been raised in this nation, with America being all that they know, and yet cannot attend college, obtain a drivers license, work a real job, live the American Dream.

This is not my story. My mother's family is many generations American, and I am second generation American on my Father's side. Though this is not my personal narrative, I found myself at various points of the day holding back tears because it broke my heart to know that this is the daily reality of so many individuals in this nation- everyday people who work hard, and want the best for themselves and their families whose lives are lived in limbo and in fear. It made me that much more thankful the everyday insignificant things that I take for granted, that someone else is risking their life for.

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What does it mean to love others?

Life has taught me that loving others is much more than just sharing the good news. Loving others is living the overflow of the love that you have for God. Its becoming the extension of His hand and feet in the world. Its loving people unconditionally, regardless of race, culture, orientation, nationality, or status. Its making sacrifices for people you may never even know, to make an impact in the lives of people you may never even meet. More so than the biblical commandment, you do it because you remember that you were once lost and in need of salvation; at some point(s) in your life needed the helping hand of others.


¹⁹When you are harvesting in your field and you overlook a sheaf, do not go back to get it. Leave it for the foreigner, the fatherless and the widow, so that the Lord your God may bless you in all the work of your hands. ²⁰ When you beat the olives from your trees, do not go over the branches a second time. Leave what remains for the foreigner, the fatherless and the widow. ²¹ When you harvest the grapes in your vineyard, do not go over the vines again. Leave what remains for the foreigner, the fatherless and the widow. ²² Remember that you were slaves in Egypt. That is why I command you to do this. (Deu. 24:19-22 NIV)

As Christians, it should be our mission and passion to fight against injustice. It should be our collective mission to give relief to those who suffer, feed those who are hungry, clothe the naked, fight for equality, and pursue justice. It is our responsibility to welcome the stranger, care for the fatherless, and protect the widow. It's not enough to just sit in our respective corners and pray. And worse yet, we don't have the option of seeing suffering around us and choosing to turn our noses up towards heaven. When we truly love God, we should be like that sappy couple, where they're so in love, they can't help but spread it everywhere they go.

I encourage all of us to rethink what it means to love God, and love others. For some, it may be as simple as paying for a stranger's cup of coffee or giving school supplies to local school children. For others, it may be going to Washington, or getting arrested in the name of justice to fight for the other. Whatever we do, however way we embody the overflow of the love of God, we must always do it in love.

 ³⁴ “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. ³⁵ By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” (John 13:34-35 NIV)

Choosing Happiness...?

When my mother chose my name, she intentionally put joy as part of my name so that it would be something that is part of who I am. Honestly, I'm glad that she had the foresight to do that. There's a lot of power in a name. As a teacher who has seen some crazy names over the last few years, I wish more people had that foresight.

Ironically, its one of the things I've struggled with the most in my life. Drastic and sudden life changes along with the struggles of growing up poor in Brooklyn led to me being a sad child, who turned into a depressed teenager, who grew into a emotionally numb adult. I wanted desperately to be happy. I really did. But when happiness didn't knock on my door and wrap me in sunshine, glitter, rainbows, and unicorns, I contemplated if I'd ever be truly happy. I was tired of being sad, but it just seemed to be this dark cloud that followed me. I got pretty good at the facade though. Fake it til you make it was my mantra. Yet, deep down saw myself as an army of one- unable to trust people because all they do is let you down. Afraid to connect to others in fear of being judged or ridiculed. There were a lot of painful experiences over the years that kept wading in a pool of sadness and negativity.

But wait- aren't you a Christian? Aren't you supposed to be happy? What about those verses like "the joy of the Lord is your strength" or "weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning"?

What happens when the morning comes and you're still in mourning?

Being (or becoming) a Christian doesn't absolve you from feeling sadness, depression, loneliness, anger... There isn't a Bible verse that someone can toss like a band-aid onto your life to make everything better. Shoot, even Jesus wept, and turned tables. So why is it not okay to exhibit another emotion other than happiness?

Personally, I think its because it makes people uncomfortable. It forces people to confront those emotions within themselves when they see them in others. And for the person who clings to the facade of happiness, that becomes a difficult reality to confront. It also brings light to the fact that in our communities (whether that is church, family, culture...), we battle forms of emotional distress and mental illness which would necessitate receiving outside help. Unfortunately, we'd rather hide behind walls of silence than branch out and receive the help we need to bring resolution to these issues. Then, the cycle continues.

Happiness, peace, joy... will not fall out of the sky and into your lap. You have to intentionally choose it.

I can't tell you when I made that realization. I can however tell you that it has made a big difference in my life. Choosing happiness has meant that I've had to choose to confront and heal from the wounds of my past that were impeding my present. I had to choose to no longer isolate myself and open myself to receiving the help I needed whether it be through friendship, pastoral care, or counseling to get the support and develop the tools I needed to be happy. Every morning, I have to choose to say that "this is the day that the Lord has made, and I will rejoice and be glad in it" despite my circumstances. And in those times that joy and peace seem to be absent from my line of sight, I have to allow myself the time to process those emotions and walk that path until I can reach that place of peace and joy once again. Lastly, I've learned to take Philippians 4:8 to heart:
"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things."
I could spend my days lamenting on bad choices, tough circumstances, and painful events, or I can choose to meditate on the many blessings before me, even through difficult times. Thinking on what is good and pure doesn't give an excuse to not deal with the unpleasant issues in life. It just means that we don't need to spend our days only focused on such things. Remember, we are what we think.

So I encourage you to if you haven't already done so- choose happiness. It makes a world of difference. 

A Healing For My Soul

Yesterday morning as I woke up to prepare for church, I had the song Healing by Kelly Price in my running in my head. It was/is pretty fitting.

"Healing for me, that’s what I need
I’ve been broken hearted, torn apart
But Lord I know that if I only touch You
You’ll exchange my issues for Your virtue"

I need a healing for my soul. My heart is very heavy, and my mind is filled with a lot of questions that don't seem to have answers (or easy ones). My faith says with God, all things are possible. But to my natural eye, life kinda sucks right now. I swing between these two places- faith and expectancy, and sadness and despair. I'm learning not to kick myself too much for that. I can thank years of "too blessed to be stressed" bad theologies for the guilt in the latter emotions. Among many lessons this time period in life has taught me, you have to be honest about what you feel, and go through the process of working through those emotions, especially when they're unpleasant and difficult to deal with. And in this Job-like season of mine, where I've lost some very important people and things (latest being my job license), and had to confront some very tough issues in my life, I can't help but to feel broken. 

How do we process brokenness in a healthy manner? How can the church create the space for individuals to process brokenness?

As someone who is smack in the middle of these questions, I by no means have all of the answers. Most days, I wish that I had Genie in a Bottle Jesus to grant all of my wishes and make everything better. Or, that Magic 8 Ball Jesus would come and answer all of my questions. Oh if it were that simple. But in line with one of my favorite quotes by Frederick Douglass  "If there is no struggle, there is no progress"- you have to go through the process in order to grow. So here are some of the things I've learned in looking at these two questions about dealing with brokenness in no particular order-

As an individual:
-Be honest with yourself: You feel on cloud 9, own it. You feel like crap, own it. It is what it is. Its when we run from our feelings that things only get worse. They will become the hot pink elephant with the lime green polka dot lamp shade in the room of your heart till you deal with it. And hot pink elephants with lime green polka dot lampshades will always mess up your decor.
-Be honest with others: There is nothing worse than carrying feelings of brokenness and having to masquerade like everything is great. "Too anointed to be disappointed" syndrome just makes things worse. We're called to be in community. No need to walk the long bumpy road alone. Take some good, trustworthy people along for the ride.
-Take a break: I once had an ex tell me that you can't run away from your problems. He was right. You can't run, but you can put your cross down for a minute. Take some time to refresh yourself. Hang out with friends. Take a trip. Do something to refresh yourself so that you can come back with the energy and mental clarity to once again take up your cross. Sometimes taking a break and coming back to a situation with fresh eyes makes a world of difference.
-Take your time: Our quick fix society wants you (us) to hurry up and feel better. Yeah, it doesn't work like that. The cliche "Rome wasn't built in a day" is true. Healing doesn't happen in a day. Dig in and be ready for the ride. Just don't use the "I'm taking my time" as an excuse to permanently wallow in your pain.
-Embrace solitude: It's too easy to fill your time with things and people to help numb the pain that you feel. I'm totally guilty of that. But there's a time for friends, and a time to be alone. Too much of either one can be detrimental. It's in the solitude and the silence that we can truly wrestle with ourselves and our feelings. It's hard, but it's healthy, and necessary.
-Nurture healthy outlets: Write, sing, paint, run, sew... let the energy of your pain be the catalyst to something beautiful. Right now, I'm working on writing, learning Spanish, and music among other things. All of that energy has to go somewhere. Mind as well make it positive. 

As a church:
-Be relational and communal: (This really needs to be in place beforehand). The worst thing that can happen to a person is to open their innermost struggles to their church family, and people either 1) pretend that nothing ever happened 2) look at them with eyes of pity (or judgement) or even worse 3) use it as gossip. Be ready to get your hands dirty and support people. Check on them. Hug them. Love them. Break bread with them. Ask how they're doing and actually listen to the response. Be church.
-Be real: We've all experienced brokenness at some point. Remember how that felt? Remember how you hated hearing band-aid cliche Christianese statements like "PUSH- pray until something happens." Yeah me too. Encourage, but be real to where a person is. No one likes a little Miss/Mister Perfect and a Holy High Roller.
-Be patient: Just like an individual needs to take their time, so does the church. Just because you prayed for me at the alter doesn't mean that I'll be all peachy the next time you see me. Healing is a process, and everyone's timeline is different. Respect the process and be patient. 
-Give people space: "So you've lost your job, how's that going for you?" times 20. Its a tricky area. There's supportive, and then there's being overbearing which can become insensitive. You may not see that person every Sunday. They might not come to every event. They may need to step down from wherever they were serving. That's fine. Don't let the person drift away in to the abyss, but you don't need to be in their face constantly. But it goes back to relationship. When you've actually developed that with someone, you'll better see the boundary line.
-Love them: I know I already mentioned this. But we as a society are in love deficit. And the church is sadly no better. Love them. Pray for them. Bring them food. Send an encouraging text message. Go to their home, or invite them to yours. Listen to them! The simplest things go a very long way.

I am by no means perfect. I've failed at all of these things at one point or another. Its the ability to get back up and keep trying, not the failure, that defines us. As an individual who is going through my own stuff, who is part of a community of others who are going through their own respective "stuffs", I pray that as I continue to process and grow, that I can exercise these lessons that I've learned in order to help myself, and help others.

Transitions

tran·si·tion

[tran-zish-uhn, -sish-] Show IPA

noun

1.

movement, passage, or change from one position, state, stage, subject, concept, etc., to another; change: the transition from adolescence to adulthood.

 

 

Transitions have a funny way of sneaking up on you without notice. It's like, one night you go to sleep one way, and you wake up the next day with your world is somehow shifted off of its axis. Okay, maybe its not always that drastic, but I think you can catch my point.

 

This past year has been nothing but transitions- drastic changes to my life as a whole. I went from sharing an apartment with friends in Brooklyn, to sleeping on a friend's floor in North Jersey, while couch hopping in the city during the week. I've seen relationships, goals, and ideas change. I've seen the career that I sacrificed so much for, dedicated so much to, change. Anyone on the outside looking in on my life would see that I've lost a lot. I, being on the inside of the glass of course sees so much more. There is nothing easy or comforting about your world, my world, being turned around. I was content where I was. I loved the freedom of living on my own. I felt comfort in the stability of my career. I even felt like for once in my life I could start laying down some solid life plans and goals for my future.

 

And this is where God... laughs!

 

Brick by brick, the walls off my comfort zone have been dismantled. The plans that I had- nothing more than smeared ink on crumpled pages. My ideas on my life and how I define self, success, and stability- shifted. I look back and reminisce on how comfortable I was. But was I happy?

 

Transition forces you to take inventory, reevaluate what is really important as you move onto the next stage in life. This time has forced me to look at my past, present, and future with new lenses. Its forced me to confront myself in a way that I would have not done if I were comfortable. Its forced me to narrow down what is really important. So where I could see this year of losses as a negative circumstance, I choose to see it as a way of making room for new ideas and opportunities. It has allowed me to see God differently and trust Him in a way that I did not before. It's in essence, the answer to a deep seated prayer to have the opportunity to start over. And though things are not where I want them to be, and circumstances are not as comfortable as I'd desire, I have a level of happiness and contentment now that I didn't have when I was comfortable. It doesn't mean I don't have tough days or moments where I wrestle with God, life, and self. However, it is a testament to the work that God has been doing in me in the last year, and will continue to do as I continue to seek His will for my life on this path of transition.

 

Hello. My name is Joy, and these are the pages of my journey.