The Fight- Faith

Hebrews 11:1
"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." (KJV)

Being the biblical slacker that I am, there is a lot of theology that I do not know. And unfortunately, more often than not, I am more familiar with the overused and often times misquoted cliche versus and sayings of the Bible. However, if there was a verse to sum up my current feelings, it would be Hebrews 11:1.

Why...?

Well, at this point, I look at my current situation and surroundings and many times say, "Lord, I know what I believe you for, but there is no feasible way that these things could possibly happen." ...sounds like ye of little faith, I know lol. However, this is the battle that I'm facing daily... this test of faith. And lately, its been increasingly difficult. What does one do when patience starts to wear thin, and there seems like there's no end in sight?

My answer- continue to seek Him more. The more I feel like my faith and patience is slipping, the tighter I need to hold onto Him... the more I need to dig in my heels for the long haul. I have to keep reminding myself that God in His own time will open doors and make a way. And when He does, I will have no choice but to thank Him and worship Him for all that He has done, because I know that it would only be through Him that my little seeds of faith have borne fruit.

The Non-Option: Birthing Ishmaels. With impatience comes the temptation to birth Ishmaels, or rather take matters into one's own hands like Abraham did with Haggar. And trust me, in those moments of weakness, the idea to make things happen seem quite tasty. Too bad those tasty morsels have a bitter aftertaste...

In the interim, I shall continue to hold on, be encouraged through the word and fellowship with others. And most of all remember that through this season of growth, God knows all, and sees all, far beyond surroundings, my feelings, and my thoughts. I want the best that God has for me, and I refuse to let a little (or a lot) of discouragement take me away from this.

Clarity

First things first....

Merry Christmas!!!

This Christmas was quiet, as usual, but very nice. Thanks to my students, I had a few extra gifts to unwrap. My favorite I must say is my Armani Code perfume. I made chocolate pancakes, bacon and eggs for breakfast, and had ham, cheese and mac, and string beans for dinner. I also spent the whole day listening to Christian Christmas music which is a definite first for a self-proclaimed christmas music non-enthusiast. As for gift giving, I baked cookies from scratch for all of my students and staff, which amounted to approximately 200 cookies. *whew* I must say, I'm all chocolated out. I hope that next year I'll be in a position to do more gift giving. Maybe, I'll even get that smooch under the mistle toe that I've somehow always missed out on. ...but I digress.....

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For the year 2009, I'm praying for more clarity, understanding, and direction. God has a way of keeping us on a need to know basis and there are many times that we don't need to know... that is, we don't need to know yet. One of my favorite verses, Ecclesiastes 3:1 says, "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven." So I know that God in his own time will reveal the various aspects of the plan for his life for me. But I must say, more often than not I've been battling a touch of impatience.

Now that I'm a year older, I hope that this year will be a year of positive change. I hope that God will reward my patience and in some cases long suffering with some answers as well as direction. I'm definitely looking forward to the year ahead and with God's help, achieving my goals for 2009.

Happy Birthday To Meeee!

Saturday was my birthday, and despite all of the terrible weather, I was determined to celebrate. This was different birthday for me because this is the first time in many years that I did not have final exams, papers, and/or projects looming over my head. I can name countless occasions of birthday's past where I spent the day freaking out over school related priorities instead of celebrating. So, seeing as that this year my birthday a) fell on a Saturday and b) I was not bogged down by school, it was a perfect opportunity to celebrate... minus the snow.

After days of searching, I finally found a dress to wear on Friday at the mall. (not to too my own horn but I was looking rather hot *toot toot* lol)

I spent the first half of the day with my family. I enjoyed Grimaldi's Pizza in Long Island (some of the best pizza ever!!!), and then we went to The Brooklyn Tabernacle Christmas Show (which was such a blessing, truly awesome). That evening, I went to dinner with friends at People Lounge on the Lower East Side. The food was tasty. And to further my gluttony on my birthday, I had my two favorite cakes in the whole wide world, Red Velvet from Lords Bakery and Juniors Strawberry Cheesecake (there's no cheesecake like Junior's cheesecake!).

Although I didn't get the opportunity to see all of the friendly faces I wanted to see on my birthday, I am so thankful and so blessed to have spend the day with the people who I love and care about. :)

-joy

Temptation

Its amazing how it all started out with two individuals, a garden, an apple and a serpent. That's where it all began... Temptation.

temp-ta-tion  (noun)
 /tɛmpˈteɪʃən/ Pronunciation [temp-tey-shuhn]
1. the act of tempting; enticement or allurement.
2. something that tempts, entices, or allures.
3. the fact or state of being tempted, esp. to evil.

Prior to last night's Transitions, I wasn't actively thinking about where the hidden temptations lie in my life. I was more wrapped up in past temptations and past choices; wanting to make sure that I don't repeat the same past errors. However, I became unmindful of the minor and major temptations I face on a daily basis. Like, the temptation to not wake up early, to not pray in the morning, to not read my Bible, to not grade homework, to choose the unhealthy meal over the healthy meal... the list goes on and on. As Shaina had me realize in retrospect, temptation doesn't have to be as obvious as sexual, narcotic, or other "red flag" temptations. It can simply be anything that takes me away from God and His purpose for my life.

The Lust of the Eye
The Lust of the Flesh
The Pride of Life

So now that I realize this, what's my next step?
Temptations are daily and constant. And oblivion and oversight is just another trap to bring one further into temptation. Yes, I have to understand where some of my major pitfalls have been in the past. But I cannot let my fear of making the same mistakes again lead me into new errors. Last night was a reminder to be mindful of the past while conscious of my present. I must search my heart regularly and surrender all that is within me- good, bad, and indifferent, to God. Only He can protect me.

Now to fight the temptation to be a lazy-mc-lazy pants and be productive today... after a meal and a nap lol.

Bah Humbug

I don't have a lot of pet peeves, but right now Christmas music irks me! Driving home from work, I'll turn on the radio and... BAM.... pop Christmas songs. eek!

I admit that I'm not a Christmas season spirit person. No I couldn't wait for Thanksgiving to be over so I could turn on my Christmas lights. I didn't stand on line at 2am at the mall on Black Friday just to get my Christmas shopping done. And you definitely won't find me humming Christmas songs throughout the day while adorned in red and green. Nope... not me.

Don't get me wrong.... I like Christmas. Rather, its grown on me. After many years of lackluster Christmas's, I tended to automatically shy away from the feelings of the season. However, as I get older, I have been developing a greater like of the commercialized Christmas season. I don't think the holiday bug will bite me really and truly until I have my own family one day in the future.

Usually the week around Christmas (and my b-day), I start feeling it a bit. I get a little pep in my step for the season. I look forward to giving out a few cards and partaking in some delicious egg nog. I'll even look forward to amazing Christmas lights displays. Hopefully, I'll even make it to a Christmas service. Until that time however, if you're looking for someone to go caroling with you, you may want to look to someone else. lol

High's and Lows

Sleep... ah how I love thee! Lately, I've been feeling more often than not a lack of energy to get me through the day. Once I get to work, I'm okay. But its the dragging myself out of bed (rather off my sofa) and getting out the door that seems to be toughest. My prayers have gone from meaningful heartfelt prayers to, "Lord, please let me get through another day..." I continually have to remind myself to not be so self critical. But its so hard when lately I've felt so unproductive, inconsistent, unorganized, and behind schedule. Sometimes, I feel like its the story of my life...

On a better, more fulfilling note- I am so proud of my students. So many of them did so well on their last exam. Some kids went up by as much as 30+ points from their usual exam scores. There must be something about Parent Teacher's Night and the approaching Christmas holiday that gave some students the extra incentive needed to come to tutoring, study a little harder, and overall take a more serious look at their studies. Its moments like this that makes me feel like all of my hard work as their teacher is worth it. :)