12/15/13
Moments of silent solitude can be
more deafening than the sounds of
the restless city during rush hour.
To be silent is to feast in the company of
your guardian angels and inner demons.
Seated at a banquet of prized moments
and inner woes, one must face the reality
of who they claim to be is only a
distorted projection of who they really are.
No wonder we spend our days
filling the silence with selfish exploits and
mindless chatter.
--------------------
The night of my pre-birthday dinner, after having such a wonderful time in the presence of people that I love dearly, I found myself in my car not wanting to go home. It's not an unusual occurrence. I have days where I take the long way home, stop for a while at the pier or park, or sit in the car after I park and take in the silence. Sometimes it's because my occasional restless nature gets the best of me. Other times, it's because the route home is the reminder that I have to pick up my cross and continue on my uphill journey. That night, I stopped at the pier and penned three short poems. Admittedly they weren't hopeful or joyous- not reflective of the food, laughter, singing and wonderful company I was just in a short hour or two before. They were about lacking faith, false realities, and inner darkness- my darkness.
Twenty-eight was full of challenges, many unexpected life challenges, down to the very end. Honestly, I don't know where I'd be if it wasn't for those individuals sitting around me in that little Cuban restaurant that evening. They each in their own way where and are Christ in the flesh- their encouragement, support, faith, prayers, hugs, love, free meals, long conversations, fun excursions- everything. And for that, I thanked them.
Yet, my heart was still heavy.
So I stopped. I wrote. I prayed. I faced my brokenness. I reflected on my gratitude. I told Him that sometimes I doubt Him. I sat in silence. I feasted at a banquet in the company of my guardian angels and my inner demons. Then, I drove home.
The heaviness I felt the previous night was but a distant memory by the next morning.
I could've gone home, feeling heavy, and distracted myself with video streaming, social media, or insert distraction here, until I dozed off. Honestly, I can't tell you what I did when I got home. But I know I felt more at peace than if I would've stifled my feelings or brushed them off.
So, to conclude this story: embrace silence and solitude. Face your darkness. Bare the grittiness of your pain to Him. Reflect. Show gratitude. Go to your place of self-expression and renewal. Pray. Be honest with yourself and Him. Be human.
Then, continue on the road home.
Sunday, December 29, 2013
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
"Courage Isn't a Brilliant Dash"
I believe I was in elementary school when I came across the poem Courage, by Edgar A. Guest. Since then, when I think of the word courage, my mind goes back to the first few lines of this poem. At this season of life, I am faced with some hard issues and some hard decisions that are going to take courage to overcome. Fact is, if I don't have courage, along with faith, trust, and vision, I will not be able to make it through this time. Courage doesn't not mean the absence of fear. Instead, courage allows you to act anyway, despite your fear. There's a lot of things I'm afraid of right now. But, with courage, I can conquer them all.
Courage isn't a brilliant dash,
A daring deed in a moment's flash;
It isn't an instantaneous thing
Born of despair with a sudden spring
It isn't a creature of flickered hope
Or the final tug at a slipping rope;
But it's something deep in the soul of man
That is working always to serve some plan.
Courage isn't the last resort
In the work of life or the game of sport;
It isn't a thing that a man can call
At some future time when he's apt to fall;
If he hasn't it now, he will have it not
When the strain is great and the pace is hot.
For who would strive for a distant goal
Must always have courage within his soul.
Courage isn't a dazzling light
That flashes and passes away from sight;
It's a slow, unwavering, ingrained trait
With the patience to work and the strength to wait.
It's part of a man when his skies are blue,
It's part of him when he has work to do.
The brave man never is freed of it.
He has it when there is no need of it.
Courage was never designed for show;
It isn't a thing that can come and go;
It's written in victory and defeat
And every trial a man may meet.
It's part of his hours, his days and his years,
Back of his smiles and behind his tears.
Courage is more than a daring deed:
It's the breath of life and a strong man's creed.
Sunday, September 8, 2013
It's okay to be sad.
Really, it's okay to be sad.
It's taken me a long time to come to terms with the fact that I'm sensitive, emotional- a feeler. It's something that I've hated because I considered emotions, particularly negative emotions, to be a sign of weakness. Growing up, I desperately tried to bottle up my emotions- tuck away feelings of sadness and loneliness, loss and depression, in the hopes that they'd magically dissipate into the abyss, leaving me only with joy and happiness. I didn't know how to face the internal conflict of unmet expectations and life's disappointments. Of course, emotions don't go away until you deal with them. They grow and fester until they bubble over, creating a destructive situation for all involved. That right there sums up my adolescent years.
As I've gotten older, I've learned to recognize my emotions and try to handle them accordingly. Yet, I still struggle with actually being okay with and accepting of them. Now if you're wondering the difference between recognition/admittance and acceptance, there's the best way I can explain it:
Recognition- I see and admit that I'm feeling [insert negative emotion here]. Let me do something to quickly change it because I don't like this feeling.
vs.
Acceptance- I'm feeling [insert negative emotion here]. Though I don't like it, I have to take the time to deal with it and go through the process.
Though recognition was much better than my ignoring of emotions past, it's still not 100% healthy because I still wasn't fully allowing myself to process through the emotion because I still wanted to avoid the internal conflict of the feelings themselves. So instead, I'd recognize the feelings and spend more of my time distracting myself from it and trying to replace them with happy thoughts than actually processing through everything.
Old habits die hard...
Fast forward to today as someone who is trying to process through the loss of my career and everything that surrounds it. It's hard, very hard. I spend my time shifting between good and bad days and momentary feelings of hope and despair. Life as I knew it has changed, and I have to accept and mourn the loss of that, as well as embrace the new unknown adventure that lies ahead. Where there is faith, there is fear. And where there is so much uncertainty, there is anxiety and sadness.
Monday will make the first time in about 24 years that I'm not preparing to go back to school. It's an extremely difficult reality to confront. I miss the comfort and stability of my life, and the possibilities that were available to me because of it. And now, I have to close that chapter and write a new story.
It's okay to be sad.
The last few days have been hard days, with more difficult days to come. As I prepare for the last battle in this fight for my license this week and what the next steps in my life will be, I can't help but feel a myriad of emotions as I try to process through some very tough life questions and present realities. I know that God's will will be done, and that everything will work in accordance to how its supposed to. In that respect, my worry is lessened because I know that God is with me. But it doesn't mean that the sadness I feel is any less.
In trying to handle emotions differently, I have to keep reminding myself that it's okay to be sad, angry, frustrated, worried... I have to go through the process. I just can't wallow there forever. So for now, I'm learning to embrace the sadness, and pray for better days in the future.
It's taken me a long time to come to terms with the fact that I'm sensitive, emotional- a feeler. It's something that I've hated because I considered emotions, particularly negative emotions, to be a sign of weakness. Growing up, I desperately tried to bottle up my emotions- tuck away feelings of sadness and loneliness, loss and depression, in the hopes that they'd magically dissipate into the abyss, leaving me only with joy and happiness. I didn't know how to face the internal conflict of unmet expectations and life's disappointments. Of course, emotions don't go away until you deal with them. They grow and fester until they bubble over, creating a destructive situation for all involved. That right there sums up my adolescent years.
As I've gotten older, I've learned to recognize my emotions and try to handle them accordingly. Yet, I still struggle with actually being okay with and accepting of them. Now if you're wondering the difference between recognition/admittance and acceptance, there's the best way I can explain it:
Recognition- I see and admit that I'm feeling [insert negative emotion here]. Let me do something to quickly change it because I don't like this feeling.
vs.
Acceptance- I'm feeling [insert negative emotion here]. Though I don't like it, I have to take the time to deal with it and go through the process.
Though recognition was much better than my ignoring of emotions past, it's still not 100% healthy because I still wasn't fully allowing myself to process through the emotion because I still wanted to avoid the internal conflict of the feelings themselves. So instead, I'd recognize the feelings and spend more of my time distracting myself from it and trying to replace them with happy thoughts than actually processing through everything.
Old habits die hard...
Fast forward to today as someone who is trying to process through the loss of my career and everything that surrounds it. It's hard, very hard. I spend my time shifting between good and bad days and momentary feelings of hope and despair. Life as I knew it has changed, and I have to accept and mourn the loss of that, as well as embrace the new unknown adventure that lies ahead. Where there is faith, there is fear. And where there is so much uncertainty, there is anxiety and sadness.
Monday will make the first time in about 24 years that I'm not preparing to go back to school. It's an extremely difficult reality to confront. I miss the comfort and stability of my life, and the possibilities that were available to me because of it. And now, I have to close that chapter and write a new story.
It's okay to be sad.
The last few days have been hard days, with more difficult days to come. As I prepare for the last battle in this fight for my license this week and what the next steps in my life will be, I can't help but feel a myriad of emotions as I try to process through some very tough life questions and present realities. I know that God's will will be done, and that everything will work in accordance to how its supposed to. In that respect, my worry is lessened because I know that God is with me. But it doesn't mean that the sadness I feel is any less.
In trying to handle emotions differently, I have to keep reminding myself that it's okay to be sad, angry, frustrated, worried... I have to go through the process. I just can't wallow there forever. So for now, I'm learning to embrace the sadness, and pray for better days in the future.
Monday, August 12, 2013
Millennial's and the Church- a brief response.
Maybe about 2 weeks ago, the article "How to keep Millennial's in the Church?" started popping up on my newsfeed. It was a good read especially in light of the many conversations I've been having over the last few years about my views of the Church. If you're wondering what this means, millennial's and the Church, let me give you a brief overview. It's basically how the church is dealing with the youth of the church who have been born between the 1980s and 2000, which raises the question of how does the Church appeal to or handle the pre-teens to young adults? On our church discussion board, my pastor asked us to open up a dialog on this article. I will write more at a later time some of my views on different aspects of the Church, but I think this will give you a bit of an idea.
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Whatever happened to the Church just being Church- a place where people can come to meet Jesus. A place that transforms lives, and cultivates rich, deep community. A place that feeds the poor, welcomes the stranger, protects the widow. And among many other things, a place that is actually cross eyed. Instead, so many churches have become (or strive to be) houses that boast of the thousands of "members" that warm pews on Sunday mornings. Pastors, reverends, evangelists, psalmists, prophets, (insert title here), have taken the Word of God to create self-serving businesses, I mean ministries, that generate millions though cool pop culture gimmicks, preaching prosperity over purpose, and playing on the glitz and glamor, feel-good needs of a generation. So many have turned the richness of the Bible to watered-down feel good messages that attract the masses, but lack the transformative substance of the Gospel itself. Sure, bread is filling, but what is its longstanding nutritional value?
Lest we forget that Jesus only started with 12...
As someone who falls in this millennial category, what keeps me in Church is the desire to connect to something real- substantive Word that transforms and gives me the tools to navigate this life, rich loving community that in essence serves as a second family, areas that I can connect, serve, grow, and explore my gifts and talents, and a community that works to live the message of the gospel to the world around them. I think to ignore the needs and desires of the millennial generation would be to isolate them and ignore the fact that society has changed over time. The church needs to be sensitive to that. But, the same goes for every generation in the church. With that said, the church cannot be a ship tossed at sea, left to the winds of whatever fad blows through, but rather an anchor that can withstand the fickleness of human nature and keep its people Christ-centered.
-----------------------------------
Whatever happened to the Church just being Church- a place where people can come to meet Jesus. A place that transforms lives, and cultivates rich, deep community. A place that feeds the poor, welcomes the stranger, protects the widow. And among many other things, a place that is actually cross eyed. Instead, so many churches have become (or strive to be) houses that boast of the thousands of "members" that warm pews on Sunday mornings. Pastors, reverends, evangelists, psalmists, prophets, (insert title here), have taken the Word of God to create self-serving businesses, I mean ministries, that generate millions though cool pop culture gimmicks, preaching prosperity over purpose, and playing on the glitz and glamor, feel-good needs of a generation. So many have turned the richness of the Bible to watered-down feel good messages that attract the masses, but lack the transformative substance of the Gospel itself. Sure, bread is filling, but what is its longstanding nutritional value?
Lest we forget that Jesus only started with 12...
As someone who falls in this millennial category, what keeps me in Church is the desire to connect to something real- substantive Word that transforms and gives me the tools to navigate this life, rich loving community that in essence serves as a second family, areas that I can connect, serve, grow, and explore my gifts and talents, and a community that works to live the message of the gospel to the world around them. I think to ignore the needs and desires of the millennial generation would be to isolate them and ignore the fact that society has changed over time. The church needs to be sensitive to that. But, the same goes for every generation in the church. With that said, the church cannot be a ship tossed at sea, left to the winds of whatever fad blows through, but rather an anchor that can withstand the fickleness of human nature and keep its people Christ-centered.
Saturday, August 10, 2013
Coaches vs. Cheerleaders- Which one are you?
I will be the first to tell you I'm my own biggest critic. I can't say that I'm necessarily a perfectionist, but haven't had the best track record of exuding confidence in my abilities and life's situations. Where this comes from exactly, I'm not sure. Could be remnants of the low self-esteem and constant teasing I experienced as a kid. Maybe it was growing up with slightly skewed messages of what it means to be humble over being prideful. Or maybe, it's feeling the pressures of the various messages our society and culture portrays, which one can never fully achieve. I'm pretty sure its a combination of these and more. I can be very self-critical. I'm working on it, but it's a process.
Anyways, I digress.
This year in particular, I've had some difficult moments. And with my first reaction to be to prep for the worst, or go to that negative space, it's sometimes really hard for me to see that every storm has its breaking point- that the sun will shine eventually. It's not that I don't know that this is the case. But in the midst of everything, it's a fact that is many times difficult to own. I can never say enough about how blessed I've been to have individuals around me this year who have been a source of encouragement during the lower points I've experienced. They've been the ones to motivate me in moments when my view of my situation was skewed in a way that I just couldn't seem to see the other side of things. I've always known that you need to choose your friends wisely, but one thing that I've learned this year is knowing who they are in times of crisis, and what you need from them in those moments.
This brings me to the subject of today's post- Coaches vs. Cheerleader's: Which one are you?
When I think of a coach, I think of someone who is constantly giving directions, problem solving, always seeing how things can be done better. Coaches motivate their players to do better and direct them in the ways that they should do so. And if you're messing up, they'll definitely let you know that you need to do better.
Cheerleaders on the other hand are constantly encouraging the players. Whether the players are winning or losing, their job is to cheer on those players to the final second. Cheerleaders have faith in their players no matter what.
With those perceptions of coaches and cheerleaders, I would want a cheerleader with me at all times. Why? Because they're always going to see the bright side of things. No matter what my situation, I can walk away feeling good, pumped, and ready to go. I want someone to have unconditional faith in me. Who doesn't! But before we sing the eternal praises of cheerleaders, there's always a downside. Cheerleaders if they are not discerning can be blindly optimistic and not acknowledge the reality of things. Remember those American Idol contestants that you watch and we all know that they suck but yet their friends and family bad mouth the judges on how they don't know how to recognize true talent- yeah those people. Those are what we call bad cheerleaders.
What about those coaches? Coaches are good for recognizing the realities of the situation. They're not afraid to point out the facts and make plans on how things should be fixed. If you're stuck, coaches can help you lay the groundwork to get you up and going. They help you to regroup. And in those moments, I need a coach to redirect me and get me on the right track. But like the cheerleader, they have their faults too. If a coach isn't careful, they can be controlling and discouraging. For example, if you've ever been a situation where you've made a mistake and gotten the dreaded "I told you so" from a friend, spouse, parent... you and both know that in that moment, that's the last thing you want to hear.
So if there's good and bad in both the coach and the cheerleader, what's the solution?
First things first, life is not a football game. The individuals we call friends and mentors shouldn't fall into one category or the other, but rather embody both characteristics. There's a time to cheer on, and there's a time to deal with reality. Naturally we're going to swing more to one side than the other. And that's fine. But as a supporter in one's life, one should be able to know when to coach and when to cheer on.
Secondly, as the person going through the issue, you have to be able to understand who the people are in your inner circle and what their strength's are. You're in that moment where you're trying to figure out what to do with your life and you don't know which way is up- maybe that person who's more of a cheerleader is not the one for you at that moment. You're going to need a coach, playa.
Lastly, you need to understand who you are and what you need. Though I don't do it as much for myself, I'm much more of a cheerleader than a coach. But because I can be self-critical or just afraid to make the next move, more often that not I need a cheerleader to encourage me to keep going. Its not that I need a coach to give me a plan, but rather the motivation to follow through with the plans I've already created. But, if I'm going in the wrong direction, I'm going to need a coach to get me back on track. And something that I have to learn to do myself: Don't be afraid to tell people what you need at the moment! As I was reading in another blog about this same topic a few weeks back, life is a lot easier when you can state and get what you need.
So as individuals, I would encourage us to recognize who we naturally gravitate to- the coach or the cheerleader, and then learn how to embody the healthy characteristics of the other side, so that when situations in life transpire, we know how to respond accordingly.
Go team, go! :)
Anyways, I digress.
This year in particular, I've had some difficult moments. And with my first reaction to be to prep for the worst, or go to that negative space, it's sometimes really hard for me to see that every storm has its breaking point- that the sun will shine eventually. It's not that I don't know that this is the case. But in the midst of everything, it's a fact that is many times difficult to own. I can never say enough about how blessed I've been to have individuals around me this year who have been a source of encouragement during the lower points I've experienced. They've been the ones to motivate me in moments when my view of my situation was skewed in a way that I just couldn't seem to see the other side of things. I've always known that you need to choose your friends wisely, but one thing that I've learned this year is knowing who they are in times of crisis, and what you need from them in those moments.
This brings me to the subject of today's post- Coaches vs. Cheerleader's: Which one are you?
When I think of a coach, I think of someone who is constantly giving directions, problem solving, always seeing how things can be done better. Coaches motivate their players to do better and direct them in the ways that they should do so. And if you're messing up, they'll definitely let you know that you need to do better.
Cheerleaders on the other hand are constantly encouraging the players. Whether the players are winning or losing, their job is to cheer on those players to the final second. Cheerleaders have faith in their players no matter what.
With those perceptions of coaches and cheerleaders, I would want a cheerleader with me at all times. Why? Because they're always going to see the bright side of things. No matter what my situation, I can walk away feeling good, pumped, and ready to go. I want someone to have unconditional faith in me. Who doesn't! But before we sing the eternal praises of cheerleaders, there's always a downside. Cheerleaders if they are not discerning can be blindly optimistic and not acknowledge the reality of things. Remember those American Idol contestants that you watch and we all know that they suck but yet their friends and family bad mouth the judges on how they don't know how to recognize true talent- yeah those people. Those are what we call bad cheerleaders.
What about those coaches? Coaches are good for recognizing the realities of the situation. They're not afraid to point out the facts and make plans on how things should be fixed. If you're stuck, coaches can help you lay the groundwork to get you up and going. They help you to regroup. And in those moments, I need a coach to redirect me and get me on the right track. But like the cheerleader, they have their faults too. If a coach isn't careful, they can be controlling and discouraging. For example, if you've ever been a situation where you've made a mistake and gotten the dreaded "I told you so" from a friend, spouse, parent... you and both know that in that moment, that's the last thing you want to hear.
So if there's good and bad in both the coach and the cheerleader, what's the solution?
First things first, life is not a football game. The individuals we call friends and mentors shouldn't fall into one category or the other, but rather embody both characteristics. There's a time to cheer on, and there's a time to deal with reality. Naturally we're going to swing more to one side than the other. And that's fine. But as a supporter in one's life, one should be able to know when to coach and when to cheer on.
Secondly, as the person going through the issue, you have to be able to understand who the people are in your inner circle and what their strength's are. You're in that moment where you're trying to figure out what to do with your life and you don't know which way is up- maybe that person who's more of a cheerleader is not the one for you at that moment. You're going to need a coach, playa.
Lastly, you need to understand who you are and what you need. Though I don't do it as much for myself, I'm much more of a cheerleader than a coach. But because I can be self-critical or just afraid to make the next move, more often that not I need a cheerleader to encourage me to keep going. Its not that I need a coach to give me a plan, but rather the motivation to follow through with the plans I've already created. But, if I'm going in the wrong direction, I'm going to need a coach to get me back on track. And something that I have to learn to do myself: Don't be afraid to tell people what you need at the moment! As I was reading in another blog about this same topic a few weeks back, life is a lot easier when you can state and get what you need.
So as individuals, I would encourage us to recognize who we naturally gravitate to- the coach or the cheerleader, and then learn how to embody the healthy characteristics of the other side, so that when situations in life transpire, we know how to respond accordingly.
Go team, go! :)
Friday, July 26, 2013
Love God, Love Others
Have you ever had friends who were in a relationship, who just oozed all of the warm and fuzzies of coupledom.You know- super affectionate, cutsie pet names, inside jokes, and silly stories... And as much as you love them, you kind of want to hit them. Okay, maybe that's just me. Anyways, generally when they're in this intoxicated by the joys of love, they want everyone else around them to feel the same. They want the abundance, the overflow of love that they're experiencing to be shared by everyone else around them.
Loving God is the same way. It's a relationship. And when you're in love, you just bubble over with all of the joy that is love. You can't but help to want to share the love you're experiencing with others.
Love God, love others.
For a few months, this was screen shot on my phone as a reminder of sorts that in this life, its not about me. I was created not to seek self-gratification, but rather to well, love God, and love others. To love God means that I need to be constantly stoking the fire of that relationship. Because like any relationship, the honeymoon phase is only temporary. Love is a daily choice, that needs daily work. The fruit of that labor becomes the overflow of love that we possess for Christ. But what happens next?From my perspective, two things happen. 1) Being afraid of losing that feeling, people begin to horde it, and keep it away from others. They cocoon themselves with only other like-minded believers behind church walls to protect this precious gift that they have. Or 2) go out and spread the good news of the gospel to the masses so that they too can share in the great sacred romance.
Now if I were to poll people on which option should be the action of Christians, overwhelmingly people would choose choice 2. Yet, is that truly loving others?
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Wednesday morning, I woke up at 3:30am after only getting about 4 hours of sleep, to drive down to DC to join hundreds of others at the Capitol to advocate for immigration reform. Shirts and passengers in tow, I watched the sunrise from I-95. After meeting at the Lutheran Church of the Reformation of D.C., we prayed at the Capitol and went to the offices of our respective congressional representatives to tell the stories of the shadows of immigration in this nation- the broken families, the individuals who have been raised in this nation, with America being all that they know, and yet cannot attend college, obtain a drivers license, work a real job, live the American Dream.
This is not my story. My mother's family is many generations American, and I am second generation American on my Father's side. Though this is not my personal narrative, I found myself at various points of the day holding back tears because it broke my heart to know that this is the daily reality of so many individuals in this nation- everyday people who work hard, and want the best for themselves and their families whose lives are lived in limbo and in fear. It made me that much more thankful the everyday insignificant things that I take for granted, that someone else is risking their life for.
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What does it mean to love others?
Life has taught me that loving others is much more than just sharing the good news. Loving others is living the overflow of the love that you have for God. Its becoming the extension of His hand and feet in the world. Its loving people unconditionally, regardless of race, culture, orientation, nationality, or status. Its making sacrifices for people you may never even know, to make an impact in the lives of people you may never even meet. More so than the biblical commandment, you do it because you remember that you were once lost and in need of salvation; at some point(s) in your life needed the helping hand of others.
19When you are harvesting in your field and you overlook a sheaf, do not go back to get it. Leave it for the foreigner, the fatherless and the widow, so that the Lord your God may bless you in all the work of your hands. 20 When you beat the olives from your trees, do not go over the branches a second time. Leave what remains for the foreigner, the fatherless and the widow. 21 When you harvest the grapes in your vineyard, do not go over the vines again. Leave what remains for the foreigner, the fatherless and the widow. 22 Remember that you were slaves in Egypt. That is why I command you to do this. (Deu. 24:19-22 NIV)
As Christians, it should be our mission and passion to fight against injustice. It should be our collective mission to give relief to those who suffer, feed those who are hungry, clothe the naked, fight for equality, and pursue justice. It is our responsibility to welcome the stranger, care for the fatherless, and protect the widow. It's not enough to just sit in our respective corners and pray. And worse yet, we don't have the option of seeing suffering around us and choosing to turn our noses up towards heaven. When we truly love God, we should be like that sappy couple, where they're so in love, they can't help but spread it everywhere they go.
I encourage all of us to rethink what it means to love God, and love others. For some, it may be as simple as paying for a stranger's cup of coffee or giving school supplies to local school children. For others, it may be going to Washington, or getting arrested in the name of justice to fight for the other. Whatever we do, however way we embody the overflow of the love of God, we must always do it in love.
34 “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. 35 By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” (John 13:34-35 NIV)
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Choosing Happiness...?
When my mother chose my name, she intentionally put joy as part of my name so that it would be something that is part of who I am. Honestly, I'm glad that she had the foresight to do that. There's a lot of power in a name. As a teacher who has seen some crazy names over the last few years, I wish more people had that foresight.
Ironically, its one of the things I've struggled with the most in my life. Drastic and sudden life changes along with the struggles of growing up poor in Brooklyn led to me being a sad child, who turned into a depressed teenager, who grew into a emotionally numb adult. I wanted desperately to be happy. I really did. But when happiness didn't knock on my door and wrap me in sunshine, glitter, rainbows, and unicorns, I contemplated if I'd ever be truly happy. I was tired of being sad, but it just seemed to be this dark cloud that followed me. I got pretty good at the facade though. Fake it til you make it was my mantra. Yet, deep down saw myself as an army of one- unable to trust people because all they do is let you down. Afraid to connect to others in fear of being judged or ridiculed. There were a lot of painful experiences over the years that kept wading in a pool of sadness and negativity.
But wait- aren't you a Christian? Aren't you supposed to be happy? What about those verses like "the joy of the Lord is your strength" or "weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning"?
What happens when the morning comes and you're still in mourning?
Being (or becoming) a Christian doesn't absolve you from feeling sadness, depression, loneliness, anger... There isn't a Bible verse that someone can toss like a band-aid onto your life to make everything better. Shoot, even Jesus wept, and turned tables. So why is it not okay to exhibit another emotion other than happiness?
Personally, I think its because it makes people uncomfortable. It forces people to confront those emotions within themselves when they see them in others. And for the person who clings to the facade of happiness, that becomes a difficult reality to confront. It also brings light to the fact that in our communities (whether that is church, family, culture...), we battle forms of emotional distress and mental illness which would necessitate receiving outside help. Unfortunately, we'd rather hide behind walls of silence than branch out and receive the help we need to bring resolution to these issues. Then, the cycle continues.
Happiness, peace, joy... will not fall out of the sky and into your lap. You have to intentionally choose it.
I can't tell you when I made that realization. I can however tell you that it has made a big difference in my life. Choosing happiness has meant that I've had to choose to confront and heal from the wounds of my past that were impeding my present. I had to choose to no longer isolate myself and open myself to receiving the help I needed whether it be through friendship, pastoral care, or counseling to get the support and develop the tools I needed to be happy. Every morning, I have to choose to say that "this is the day that the Lord has made, and I will rejoice and be glad in it" despite my circumstances. And in those times that joy and peace seem to be absent from my line of sight, I have to allow myself the time to process those emotions and walk that path until I can reach that place of peace and joy once again. Lastly, I've learned to take Philippians 4:8 to heart:
"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things."
I could spend my days lamenting on bad choices, tough circumstances, and painful events, or I can choose to meditate on the many blessings before me, even through difficult times. Thinking on what is good and pure doesn't give an excuse to not deal with the unpleasant issues in life. It just means that we don't need to spend our days only focused on such things. Remember, we are what we think.
So I encourage you to if you haven't already done so- choose happiness. It makes a world of difference.
Ironically, its one of the things I've struggled with the most in my life. Drastic and sudden life changes along with the struggles of growing up poor in Brooklyn led to me being a sad child, who turned into a depressed teenager, who grew into a emotionally numb adult. I wanted desperately to be happy. I really did. But when happiness didn't knock on my door and wrap me in sunshine, glitter, rainbows, and unicorns, I contemplated if I'd ever be truly happy. I was tired of being sad, but it just seemed to be this dark cloud that followed me. I got pretty good at the facade though. Fake it til you make it was my mantra. Yet, deep down saw myself as an army of one- unable to trust people because all they do is let you down. Afraid to connect to others in fear of being judged or ridiculed. There were a lot of painful experiences over the years that kept wading in a pool of sadness and negativity.
But wait- aren't you a Christian? Aren't you supposed to be happy? What about those verses like "the joy of the Lord is your strength" or "weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning"?
What happens when the morning comes and you're still in mourning?
Being (or becoming) a Christian doesn't absolve you from feeling sadness, depression, loneliness, anger... There isn't a Bible verse that someone can toss like a band-aid onto your life to make everything better. Shoot, even Jesus wept, and turned tables. So why is it not okay to exhibit another emotion other than happiness?
Personally, I think its because it makes people uncomfortable. It forces people to confront those emotions within themselves when they see them in others. And for the person who clings to the facade of happiness, that becomes a difficult reality to confront. It also brings light to the fact that in our communities (whether that is church, family, culture...), we battle forms of emotional distress and mental illness which would necessitate receiving outside help. Unfortunately, we'd rather hide behind walls of silence than branch out and receive the help we need to bring resolution to these issues. Then, the cycle continues.
Happiness, peace, joy... will not fall out of the sky and into your lap. You have to intentionally choose it.
I can't tell you when I made that realization. I can however tell you that it has made a big difference in my life. Choosing happiness has meant that I've had to choose to confront and heal from the wounds of my past that were impeding my present. I had to choose to no longer isolate myself and open myself to receiving the help I needed whether it be through friendship, pastoral care, or counseling to get the support and develop the tools I needed to be happy. Every morning, I have to choose to say that "this is the day that the Lord has made, and I will rejoice and be glad in it" despite my circumstances. And in those times that joy and peace seem to be absent from my line of sight, I have to allow myself the time to process those emotions and walk that path until I can reach that place of peace and joy once again. Lastly, I've learned to take Philippians 4:8 to heart:
"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things."
I could spend my days lamenting on bad choices, tough circumstances, and painful events, or I can choose to meditate on the many blessings before me, even through difficult times. Thinking on what is good and pure doesn't give an excuse to not deal with the unpleasant issues in life. It just means that we don't need to spend our days only focused on such things. Remember, we are what we think.
So I encourage you to if you haven't already done so- choose happiness. It makes a world of difference.