Surrender

At this point of my life, I've been confronted time and time again with the experiences of my past, the circumstances of my present, and the desires of my future. When a few years ago, time seemed limitless, now time seems to be closing in. Life decisions have bigger consequences, and the stakes are much higher. For a while now, I've been in a state of limbo, battling past, present and future, and finding myself stuck in a place of apathy and rebellion. In my present, I want to rebel against my past, which is full of lack, sacrifice, and denying myself and my desires and needs for others. Yet, care and concern for the other is the very thing that God placed in my heart for his purpose for my life. So, its all made me quite apathetic to many things. I'd rather not deal with it and be self-indulgent than put that time in to be responsible and responsive. In reality, its just left me running in circles leading nowhere. And besides, ignoring the pink elephant in the room doesn't mean it goes away. It grows until you have no choice but to deal with it.

I find myself at the crossroads of continuing on this path of slow destruction, or choosing to confront these places and surrender them to Christ. Yet, its amazing how our minds can be tricked into believing that we can carry our crosses by ourselves, and leave Christ and community out of the equation. Too much time has been given to running, Its now time to take that energy, that time, to spending it with Christ, to reignite the love affair, to bring light to all of these deep, dark places and say and honestly mean Lord, I surrender all.


9.30.11
Surrender means
letting go of control
To let those things that are not of You die
So that I might live as a new creature in you
Surrender is
giving into the idea of the unknown
Because there is comfort in the cross I see before me
than the unknown gift ahead of me
Surrender is
saying let our will be done on earth as it is in heaven
and mean it.
It means being honest
with myself
and you
so that we can be together
My life intertwined with your will
My desires, my fears, my control
broken so that you ay be deeper rooted within me
Lord, I desire more of you,
but fear clouds my line of sight.
Lord I need you
for I am broken.
Father save me.
Fill me.
Comfort me.
Protect me.
Walk with me.
Remind me that I am still your child,
The hand of your creation.