A Healing For My Soul

Yesterday morning as I woke up to prepare for church, I had the song Healing by Kelly Price in my running in my head. It was/is pretty fitting.

"Healing for me, that’s what I need
I’ve been broken hearted, torn apart
But Lord I know that if I only touch You
You’ll exchange my issues for Your virtue"

I need a healing for my soul. My heart is very heavy, and my mind is filled with a lot of questions that don't seem to have answers (or easy ones). My faith says with God, all things are possible. But to my natural eye, life kinda sucks right now. I swing between these two places- faith and expectancy, and sadness and despair. I'm learning not to kick myself too much for that. I can thank years of "too blessed to be stressed" bad theologies for the guilt in the latter emotions. Among many lessons this time period in life has taught me, you have to be honest about what you feel, and go through the process of working through those emotions, especially when they're unpleasant and difficult to deal with. And in this Job-like season of mine, where I've lost some very important people and things (latest being my job license), and had to confront some very tough issues in my life, I can't help but to feel broken. 

How do we process brokenness in a healthy manner? How can the church create the space for individuals to process brokenness?

As someone who is smack in the middle of these questions, I by no means have all of the answers. Most days, I wish that I had Genie in a Bottle Jesus to grant all of my wishes and make everything better. Or, that Magic 8 Ball Jesus would come and answer all of my questions. Oh if it were that simple. But in line with one of my favorite quotes by Frederick Douglass  "If there is no struggle, there is no progress"- you have to go through the process in order to grow. So here are some of the things I've learned in looking at these two questions about dealing with brokenness in no particular order-

As an individual:
-Be honest with yourself: You feel on cloud 9, own it. You feel like crap, own it. It is what it is. Its when we run from our feelings that things only get worse. They will become the hot pink elephant with the lime green polka dot lamp shade in the room of your heart till you deal with it. And hot pink elephants with lime green polka dot lampshades will always mess up your decor.
-Be honest with others: There is nothing worse than carrying feelings of brokenness and having to masquerade like everything is great. "Too anointed to be disappointed" syndrome just makes things worse. We're called to be in community. No need to walk the long bumpy road alone. Take some good, trustworthy people along for the ride.
-Take a break: I once had an ex tell me that you can't run away from your problems. He was right. You can't run, but you can put your cross down for a minute. Take some time to refresh yourself. Hang out with friends. Take a trip. Do something to refresh yourself so that you can come back with the energy and mental clarity to once again take up your cross. Sometimes taking a break and coming back to a situation with fresh eyes makes a world of difference.
-Take your time: Our quick fix society wants you (us) to hurry up and feel better. Yeah, it doesn't work like that. The cliche "Rome wasn't built in a day" is true. Healing doesn't happen in a day. Dig in and be ready for the ride. Just don't use the "I'm taking my time" as an excuse to permanently wallow in your pain.
-Embrace solitude: It's too easy to fill your time with things and people to help numb the pain that you feel. I'm totally guilty of that. But there's a time for friends, and a time to be alone. Too much of either one can be detrimental. It's in the solitude and the silence that we can truly wrestle with ourselves and our feelings. It's hard, but it's healthy, and necessary.
-Nurture healthy outlets: Write, sing, paint, run, sew... let the energy of your pain be the catalyst to something beautiful. Right now, I'm working on writing, learning Spanish, and music among other things. All of that energy has to go somewhere. Mind as well make it positive. 

As a church:
-Be relational and communal: (This really needs to be in place beforehand). The worst thing that can happen to a person is to open their innermost struggles to their church family, and people either 1) pretend that nothing ever happened 2) look at them with eyes of pity (or judgement) or even worse 3) use it as gossip. Be ready to get your hands dirty and support people. Check on them. Hug them. Love them. Break bread with them. Ask how they're doing and actually listen to the response. Be church.
-Be real: We've all experienced brokenness at some point. Remember how that felt? Remember how you hated hearing band-aid cliche Christianese statements like "PUSH- pray until something happens." Yeah me too. Encourage, but be real to where a person is. No one likes a little Miss/Mister Perfect and a Holy High Roller.
-Be patient: Just like an individual needs to take their time, so does the church. Just because you prayed for me at the alter doesn't mean that I'll be all peachy the next time you see me. Healing is a process, and everyone's timeline is different. Respect the process and be patient. 
-Give people space: "So you've lost your job, how's that going for you?" times 20. Its a tricky area. There's supportive, and then there's being overbearing which can become insensitive. You may not see that person every Sunday. They might not come to every event. They may need to step down from wherever they were serving. That's fine. Don't let the person drift away in to the abyss, but you don't need to be in their face constantly. But it goes back to relationship. When you've actually developed that with someone, you'll better see the boundary line.
-Love them: I know I already mentioned this. But we as a society are in love deficit. And the church is sadly no better. Love them. Pray for them. Bring them food. Send an encouraging text message. Go to their home, or invite them to yours. Listen to them! The simplest things go a very long way.

I am by no means perfect. I've failed at all of these things at one point or another. Its the ability to get back up and keep trying, not the failure, that defines us. As an individual who is going through my own stuff, who is part of a community of others who are going through their own respective "stuffs", I pray that as I continue to process and grow, that I can exercise these lessons that I've learned in order to help myself, and help others.