Day 11: Mi Familia

The word family is still an unfolding definition for me. 

I am the oldest of five- two brothers and a sister from my father, and a sister from my mom. 

In a nutshell, family = complicated in both the family tree and the relationship sense.

Both my mother and father have very distant family dynamics.
My mom is African-American and was raised as an only child. On my mother's side, I don't know my grandfather and most of my cousins on my grandmother's side live out of state. Hence, I was not raised with them.
My father Cuban & Bajan and is the youngest of 4. I didn't meet my father until I was 18, and only now at 26 am I actually meeting members of his side of the family, like my brothers, step-mom, cousins, etc. He is also not very connected with his family.

Its only in the past few months of greater interaction with my father's side of the family that I realize that my working definition of what is family is very much limited. I don't know what it functionally looks like, and how to maneuver in it. This is due to 1) having non-existent relationships with extended family, and 2) being met with great responsibility within my family unit. I'm in the process of trying to build relationship with the members of my family on both sides, right now more so on my father's side since I don't know them at all, as opposed to my mom's side where we at least know one another as family, though distant.

My family experiences definitely warrant some sessions on Dr. Phil's couch. Its been a a hard road trying to reconcile the desire for family, the desire for present parents, family stability, sisterhood, sibling relationship... with the reality of what I know and have experienced, with the massive back story that shapes and explains why things are the way they are.

My hope for the future with my family is that relationships can be created, mended, rectified, strengthened, deepened, and unified. In many respects this leaves me as the one to keep people connected (particularly on my mom's side). I can only hope and pray that I don't pass on the same experiences to my future family and children because it certainly isn't easy.